tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59679612011-04-21T21:38:07.707-07:00The daily thoughts of a man living in a self-made prison.ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comBlogger361100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1112534377459506272005-04-03T05:59:00.000-07:002005-04-03T06:19:37.460-07:00

It seems I have met my match. No, not the love of my life match that I suppose we all long for. This woman seems to be a man-izer, if such a thing exists. I will call her Sexy Woman. Sexy Woman and I have been seeing eachother for about 10 months now. Not all that long, but enough for some level of attachment to form between two people in an intimate relationship. But the attachment is one

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1110997565061377702005-03-16T10:18:00.000-08:002005-03-16T10:26:05.063-08:00

It has been quite a long time since I posted. Many things have transpired wrt my divorce. The house was sold, and after a legal battle equity was split 50/50 (in spite of the fact that the 100K down payment was made by me). I was able to buy a modest home of my own. It's not pretty to look at, but there's also no one screaming at me when I get home at the end of the day. But there are no

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1092112032107303942004-08-09T21:25:00.000-07:002004-08-09T21:27:12.106-07:00

A lot has gone down since I last posted. There have been several flings, one failed relationship, and many, many drunken nights. Ain't divorce grand. More to come...

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1075422411353575742004-01-29T16:26:00.000-08:002004-01-29T16:31:02.293-08:00

I sometimes wonder if it is normal to be so horny all of the time. Every woman I see that is remotely attractive causes such naughty thoughts to run through my mind. I know it is not possible to have sex with any woman I want, whenever I want, but these days that is what I want! Which brings me to the topic of this posting, lavalife This is a dating site ala match.com or yahoo personals but

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1075324828147599002004-01-28T13:20:00.000-08:002004-01-29T16:20:56.043-08:00

Divorce sucks. After years of screaming I finally left. Big mistake. Now the STBX is sitting in the house that I paid for and refuses to sell it so we can split the equity. Worse, she lost her job, and is not looking for another. While she stays in the house, our life savings is dwindling down to almost nothing. She doesn't seem to care. I guess when it is all gone she may finally come to

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1074210209153885432004-01-15T15:43:00.000-08:002004-01-15T15:45:22.093-08:00

Every time I get close to a woman, or I should say I let a woman get close to me, something strange happens. I lose interest. Things with Career Woman are fine. I like most everything about her. Her age does bother me a bit. She is a year older than me. But that is about all that is not perfect. Yet my eyes are drifting yet again. I met someone new and had lunch with her today. This one

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1073238482959031742004-01-04T09:48:00.000-08:002004-01-04T09:48:21.383-08:00

Fucking blogger! I had a good post all written and it just disappeared. Damn! Here is the readers digest version. I want to finalize the divorce this year. I want STBX to sell the house so I can get cash. I want to buy a place of my own. Things with Career Woman are back on track. Happy today.

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1071843974766202092003-12-19T06:26:00.000-08:002003-12-19T06:30:05.230-08:00

Career Woman and I have become something of an item. We've known each other for less than two months, but have gone out over a dozen times. Last weekend we shacked up for the first time at a hotel in the city. The nights were spent at trendy clubs drinking and people watching (career woman's favorite thing to do). The days were spent mostly in bed. A very good weekend indeed. Has anyone

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1071257024706710942003-12-12T11:23:00.000-08:002003-12-12T11:57:36.986-08:00

It is my firm belief that my STBX suffers from something called borderline personality disorder. Partners of borderlines often develop psychological problems themselves as a result of long-term emotional abuse. I should know, it happened to me. It's taken nearly two years of therapy to find the courage to leave this woman. And even now, I have relapses where I don't think I have the strength

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1070929848795142062003-12-08T16:30:00.000-08:002003-12-08T16:31:00.463-08:00

This morning my lawyer and I met with my STBX and her lawyer. Given my STBX's recent behavior toward me, I was anticipating a rather hostile meeting. But it didn't go that way. Her lawyer began the meeting by asking if there was any chance of reconciliation. I was floored. She still wants to be married. After two years of couples counseling and a relationship that went from bad to plain

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1070042354065498472003-11-28T09:59:00.000-08:002003-12-02T07:35:14.073-08:00

I arrived at Mei's house a bit later than we had planned. She was not amused. I would be punished for this. There was no foreplay. Mei was in the dominant role and I the submissive, from the moment I arrived. She instructed me to remove all of my clothes. I obeyed. She remained fully clothed. I blushed a bit as the windows were wide open and anyone passing by could have seen me. My

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1069810507406414822003-11-25T17:35:00.000-08:002003-11-25T17:37:12.993-08:00

Several posts back I invited female readers of this blog to come to Boston and join Mae and myself for some 3-way fun. Never did I expect anyone to actually take me up on this offer. But in blog-land, anything is possible. And it's gonna come true. Mae exchanged some very hot emails with a certain female reader of ISBR and they hit it off. The meeting is to take place in a downtown hotel in

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1069686529993301642003-11-24T07:08:00.000-08:002003-11-24T07:26:34.430-08:00

Thanksgiving this year will be hard. The stbx is taking the kids to her sisters for several days, so I will be alone. I do have family locally, so I have a place to go for dinner, but it will be awkward, as everyone knows that I am in the midst of a divorce. Mae has a similar situation. Her ex has the kids for thanksgiving day and also that weekend. She shared with me that it is her desire

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1069450961190163202003-11-21T13:42:00.000-08:002003-11-21T13:43:27.960-08:00

Sunday is Career Woman's birthday. Tonight I am taking her to a fancy French restaurant in the city to celebrate. She loves this kind of thing and I am happy to treat her. It's gonna set me back a few bucks, but who knows maybe I'll get lucky. Last night we actually talked about how we hadn't gotten physical to any extent yet. She told me she was a bit shy, but was also worried about screwing

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1069180006340702622003-11-18T10:26:00.000-08:002003-11-19T08:55:01.580-08:00

It was six years ago that we moved from a small hip-roof colonial in an average town to a big brand-new house in an upper class town. There is a picture on the fridge of the 3 of us on the front steps looking so happy. And for the most part we were. It was the roaring 90's and the future looked bright. My father died in Spring of the following year. That was a real jolt. Dead at 61 from a

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1069107629750042622003-11-17T14:20:00.000-08:002003-11-17T15:07:58.863-08:00

I had the talk with stbx this weekend. It did not go well. We have not lived together for over 4 months now, and I have told her very directly that I was considering divorce, but she was still surprised. I can understand. It must have been a very difficult message to receive. I wish it could have gone as well as MBL's (described in The Other Shoe Drops posting) in the Moving On archives.

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068849612383478252003-11-14T14:40:00.000-08:002003-11-14T14:40:17.686-08:00

The second date was interesting. We saw a movie (Matrix Revolution) and then went to a local Irish Pub I used to haunt in my youth. Leave it to me to take a Park Ave gal to a dive bar. She was out of her element, but ok with it. At least she said so. I am unapologetic. This time around, it's take me as I am or don't take me at all. I like hangin' out in Irish pub's, so she better learn

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068737364528431152003-11-13T07:29:00.000-08:002003-11-13T07:30:45.590-08:00

I am seeing Career Woman again tonight. We're going to see a movie and then for drinks and appetizers afterwards. That's the plan anyway. We've become something of an item after just one date. We communicate through email frequently during the day and talk at least once a day on the phone, usually several times. I feel close to her, but we haven't been intimate except for a peck on the

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068595502521392672003-11-11T16:05:00.000-08:002003-11-11T16:17:20.273-08:00

I used to fear that if I got divorced at my age that I'd be alone for the rest of my life. If anyone else out there in blog-land is 40+ and has that fear, I am here to tell you to fuhgetaboutit. I met someone new. Let's call her Career Woman. We went out on Sunday night and saw the movie "Kill Bill" then went for Japanese food. I would not recommend "Kill Bill" to anyone as a 1st date

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068494447396938622003-11-10T12:00:00.000-08:002003-11-10T12:01:53.216-08:00

If you are a reader of the Married but Lonely blog as I am, you'll see that it has been locked. MBL plans to reappear soon with a blog of a different name due to an accidental personal email sent out to under the MBL account. The new link will be available from this blog. Be careful out there...

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068488443934291022003-11-10T10:20:00.000-08:002003-11-10T11:56:44.423-08:00

Every so often I have thoughts of staying married for the kids sake. Today is one of those days. The kids are young; 5 and 7. We own a large home in a suburban town with a top-notch school system. We moved here several years ago largely for the school system. We have some savings and equity in the house. This should be enough so that when split, she can buy a small home in the same town

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1068147654410625282003-11-06T11:40:00.000-08:002003-11-06T11:42:26.750-08:00

Fear can be a very limiting emotion. Fear has kept me in a bad marriage. Fear caused me not to pursue jobs that had I taken the risk, would have made me rich. Fear sucks. These days I try to look at life a little differently. Each day is a gift, live it to its fullest I tell myself. Try to think of the possibilities for good things to happen rather than fearing the bad things that might

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-106796559121006052003-11-04T09:06:00.000-08:002003-11-04T09:06:34.393-08:00

Yesterday I contacted my lawyer and asked her to file for divorce. This will be done in a day or two. After that, I have 3 months to serve my soon-to-be-ex. It has taken me a very long time to summon the courage to do this. Yet I am sad today. Profoundly sad.

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067872793742260082003-11-03T07:19:00.000-08:002003-11-03T07:21:25.690-08:00

Halloween night turned out to be spooky indeed. Susan wants me to come by, but "no touching" she says. I warn her of my intentions, but she ignores me. Susan greeted me at the door of her apartment and looks great. But something is different in her appearance though, and I can not put my finger on it. We made some small talk then settled in on the couch to watch a movie. We didn't even get

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067529757366755692003-10-30T08:02:00.000-08:002003-10-30T08:07:56.826-08:00

Shortly after separating from my wife, I met Susan through online personals. She is a recently divorced Filipina woman with one child and works as a nurse in a local hospital. Susan likes to chat online. She works nights, and is frequently online during the day. At my work I have ample opportunity to chat during the day, so we spent some time chatting. Having gone through divorce herself,

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067449701256815952003-10-29T09:48:00.000-08:002003-10-29T09:49:26.620-08:00

I was right about Mae. And I feel better having set expectations up front rather than risk her assuming this is more than a casual relationship. Here's an excerpt from Mae's response to my email: "Your honesty is appreciated. I think you are a fine person yourself and we could have lots of fun together even with limited opportunities. So would you like to be tied up by silk or leather? ;)

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067442442193634942003-10-29T07:47:00.000-08:002003-10-29T15:04:41.423-08:00

My conscience is bothering me. I think it was meeting Mae's two daughters that caused this. They are sweet kids. I realize I am not interested in any long-term committed relationship with Mae. It just would not work. But I do desire her sexually. It would not be right to just play with her, then move on when I am ready to be in a committed relationship. So I told her this yesterday in

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067364267664700512003-10-28T10:04:00.000-08:002003-10-28T10:07:23.430-08:00

I wish I could tell you that my 2-girl fantasy came true, but it did not. Not yet anyway. I did get a delicious home-cooked meal by two beautiful chinese women though, so it was a pretty good night. Mae's friend is a real looker. Her face is not quite as pretty as Mae's, but she is taller with long legs. Nice. On Friday night when I first met Mae, she shared with me that before she and her

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067199635695342862003-10-26T12:20:00.000-08:002003-10-26T12:21:36.963-08:00

It's been months since I've enjoyed a well-prepared meal at home. I've been surviving on mostly pizza and pasta, and have put on a few pounds as a result. Tonight, Mae is cooking me a meal. She has a friend visiting this weekend. She joked that maybe tonight I'd get my 2-girl fantasy fulfilled (I told her about this Friday night). I think she is joking, but I'm not completely sure. It

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067096782433199202003-10-25T08:46:00.000-07:002003-10-29T07:51:48.273-08:00

I met my date in the city and we went to a nice Malaysian restaurant for dinner. We had communicated through email for about a month before deciding to meet. This made the evening much less awkward as we knew a bit about eachother and had lots of things to talk about. Not only is she beautiful, but quite intelligent as well. She's in the financial field now, but has recently started working

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1067005952721284242003-10-24T07:32:00.000-07:002003-10-24T07:36:16.046-07:00

Some might question the wisdom of dating while separated, but I am going to do it. I still have not completely decided whether I will divorce my wife or not. So why date? I am hoping that I meet someone that rekindles a part of me that I lost so many years ago. You know that feeling where you are really, really happy to be with someone? If I can find a way to feel that again, I will have my

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1066914435133105052003-10-23T06:07:00.000-07:002003-10-23T12:30:31.810-07:00

Today had all the makings of yet another groundhog day. No, not the one in February, rather the one from the classic Bill Murray film where the main character, Phill Connors (Murray), makes the same mistakes day after day, and as a result gets the same results. Today I did something different. It's the wife's weekend with the kids, but she went ahead and enrolled herself in a two day class

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1066839264627236672003-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:002003-10-22T09:42:50.576-07:00

Ugh, my head hurts today. Too much Vodka tends to do that. I need to wise up to that fact. Here's some free advice to anyone who might be listening. If you are in the middle of a nasty breakup and heading for divorce, do not, I repeat, DO NOT share this information with any woman who has recently divorced. I made this mistake with a female coworker. Now every day she is in my face, wanting

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1066741937090611592003-10-21T06:12:00.000-07:002003-10-21T06:14:34.760-07:00

"It's fear of the unknown. The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that--it's all illusion. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and it's plain sailing. Everything is unknown--then you're ahead of the game. That's what it is. Right?" - John Lennon I first saw this quotation

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1066702145336747332003-10-20T19:09:00.000-07:002003-10-20T19:09:05.473-07:00

We have a new parenting schedule as of last week. I still get the kids every other weekend, but now I take care of them from Friday evening through Monday morning, rather than bringing them back on Sunday night. This gives me a couple extra nights each month with them. I am very happy with this change. Putting the kids to bed, telling stories and saying prayers is one of the best bonding

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967961.post-1066676329840842122003-10-20T12:07:00.000-07:002003-10-20T12:07:56.430-07:00

The first step always seems to be the hardest for me. After reading about the sometimes cathartic experience of blogging, I have decided to give it a try. There is no doubt that I am in dire need of some soul cleansing. Perhaps by publicly, albeit anonomously, airing my thoughts, I will achieve the clarity of thought that I am searching for. It has been just over three months since I moved

ishallbereleasedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397215414520352827noreply@blogger.com